To Look or Not to Look, that is the Question: First Looks

You've heard it before, the Groom is not supposed to see the Bride before the wedding. It's bad luck. It's a tradition. You can't do it. And while there is plenty to do to keep the bride and groom in their separate corners on the morning of the wedding, many couples feel this is an outdated tradition (including me). Honestly, my husband and I not only saw each other that morning, we ate breakfast together with some of our guests and we had a few moments alone exchanging gifts and it was absolutely perfect. There was no pressure or work to keep us hidden. We did exactly what we wanted. And so should you.

The superstition/tradition originated from a time when most marriages were arranged and grooms didn't know who he was marrying (I can't imagine this). Back then, there was a possibility he might take one look at her and run...deciding not to proceed with the marriage. So the parents took charge and said the first time he should see her is at the altar, thus placing more pressure on him to marry her (isn't there already enough pressure?).

Now-a-days many people agree this is an outdated tradition. Many people participate in the "First Look" and it has become a very special moment on a very busy day - the Wedding Day. The First Look is often coordinated with the photographer to find a somewhat secluded, intimate or private space where the couple can meet and see each other before the wedding ceremony. You'll see many pictures of the groom facing one way as his bride approaches from behind to greet him. Once they meet, they can share a moment in peace that can be beautifully captured by photo and film - First Look by Studio Vieux Carre. 

As a bride, this moment provided a chance to see my groom and look him in the eyes before all the crazy started. It allowed us to relax just a bit more. As a bride, it allowed me to take a quiet moment with my soon-to-be husband and just take in the moment. There was no rush to get pictures done between the ceremony and reception. There were no people wanting hugs or wanting to talk. It was just the two of us looking into each other eyes and taking in the moment. 

As a coordinator, this eases tension because the bride and groom are dressed, ready and in the same place well before the actual wedding; therefore they're less likely to have logistical issues arriving to the ceremony on time. 

By no means am I trying to convince any couple to do something they don’t feel comfortable with. If you're a traditional couple, go for it and wait until the ceremony? As I've said it before, it is YOUR day, so remember it the way you want.

As for me, I did it my way. I didn't care about tradition. I ate breakfast with my soon-to-be husband and enjoyed a moment or two with him again before the ceremony. I loved every minute of it. 

If you choose to do the first look, it's important to coordinate this with all vendors and parties involved - coordinator, photographer, and videographer. Do you want your parents or his parents to see? Mine watched from an area which allowed us our moment but still allowed them to take part in it from a distance. 

Hobbies and Friends

I got married almost a year and a half ago (NYE 2011). While my husband and I are truly best friends (and I wouldn't be where I'm at without him), we both know it's important to do the things we love. He loves sports, I love my job and my hobbies (especially photography). Today I was very lucky to spend doing my hobby while also with my very dear friend Michelle. I so hope I did her and her beautiful baby justice!

 

Pinterest: Use with caution

Recently I came across an article (courtesy of a local NOLA Photographer - MQ Photography) that pointed out all that is wrong in relying simply on Pinterest to plan your wedding. I like Pinterest. Who doesn't? As a business owner, planner and coordinator it is very helpful in coming up with IDEAS. Pinterest, however, does not always tell you how to prepare and execute successfully.

Girl Talk: Pinterest ruined my wedding is funny, to me. Maybe not to everyone else. It does a great job of pointing out all the reasons why you'd need to plan and a wedding planner and it also points out what the real focus of your wedding should be, it's your day and you are getting married.

First, Pinterest is a part of social media so it is going to reflect the trends that are popular at the time. If you don't want an outdoor, barn, rustic wedding, then you have to search for exactly what want. For example, my recent bride would never have gone for hay bale seating area for her garden wedding. There are other ideas on Pinterest, you have to search for what YOU want, not what is popular.

Second, while the pictures are nice on Pinterest, they are pieces of someone else's wedding. Do you really want to imitate and try to replicate those moments or make your own moments and memories? You hired professional vendors for a reason. You hired them because you saw something in their style you liked. Trust them to capture your moments.

Third, like finding your fiance, once you find your dress, your colors, your theme and what you want, STOP looking :) There is always going to be something out there that is different or unique that you think is what you want. But there was a reason why you chose what you chose at first and there is a reason we set budgets and try to stay within them. If you continue looking and shopping you may never be happy with what you have now, and you may also completely blow your budget. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing and remember what you wanted to do in the first place. It's your wedding, not their wedding.

Finally, remember to plan! A Pinterest picture is a moment, not how it came together. Take a moment to think about what is required to get that moment. Is it a sunny day? Is there a tent? What kind of ground cover is there? What will you need to make this moment happen for you? And then think about how you're going to make it happen. Is that moment what you really want to base your whole wedding around?

Then think about if you are you going to make it happen or your bridesmaids or your family or someone else? Do you really want your bridesmaids setting up chairs or flowers or decorations, or do you want them with you relaxing and enjoying the moment and making memories? This goes back to my first piece of advice I give to any of my friends and family and all clients that come by my booth at shows: hire at least a day of coordinator. Share what you want with the coordinator and let them work for you. Enjoy your day. Because while, yes, this was a happy moment in the end, you only get one wedding day, you don't want to spend it worrying when you can enjoy the whole day.