Stop stressing on your wedding day

People ask me all the time what I tell my friends getting married. How do I help them? The best advice I can give to anyone getting married is to hire a wedding planner, trust your vendors, and STOP STRESSING AND LET IT GO. 

YES, I think wedding planners are THE best resource when it comes to allowing a bride or mother of the bride or even the in-laws to let go and truly enjoy the day. I may be a little biased since I am a coordinator, but I was also a bride once and I have several years of experience to back that up. Not everyone hires a coordinator though, or when they have one, they don't always trust them (not sure why you'd hire any vendor if you didn't trust them, just saying). With or without a coordinator, you have to trust your vendors and you have to let go so you can enjoy your day! So if you're not going to hire a planner or you're not going to trust them or other vendors, I've got some tips to help get through your wedding day. 

1.  key elements to preventing stress on your wedding day:
Review & Understand Contracts, Clearly define the Logistics, & Communicate with Vendors

You have to communicate with your vendors.You need to define logistics for vendors - from the time you wake up to the time you and your fiance are back in the hotel room and even after. And you have to review your contracts diligently. 

Oh, and if you have a coordinator, it is imperative that you give him/her copies - how else will they do their job? 

What if your contract is for chairs to be "delivered", but not set up? How is a bride, let alone one from out of town, supposed to know what "drop" versus "deliver" or "setup" even meant? Who is going to set them up? 

For one wedding we did it. We set up over 200 chairs in prep for the ceremony. It had to get done, but we also had to invoice the client for manual labor that wasn't included in the original contract. Without us, our client would have had family setting everything up. Do you really want them sweating on your wedding day? 

How do you know you are telling your vendors what you really want? Do you know what "dropping" means? How about the difference between a cabaret table and a highboy? Or how do you know you're getting what you wanted on your wedding day? How do you know if you missed something or a vendor missed something? 

Hiring vendors you trust with great reputations 

is a HUGE step to preventing stress on your wedding day. 

You know they will make it happen no matter what.

But you still have to review and have on-hand your contracts. 

I love flowers. Just love them, but when you have a contract there are a specific number of flowers, and if you're not careful, you can miss something. For example, during one wedding as I was pinning boutonnieres on the groomsmen, I realized two boutonnieres were missing. My client had been really busy and hadn't shared many, if any, contracts with me. I have next to no clue how many boutonnieres you wanted. After calling the florist, I learned they weren't on the contract, I quietly spoke with the groom about the missing items and got approval to request the items. I'd pay the florist and the couple would be invoiced later. Yes, the florist's team was back within the hour with the needed items. 

I've even seen where a band began to wrap up an event at a certain time but they weren't supposed to wrap until an hour later. You can bet having the contract on hand helped, but the damage was already done. It took 15 minutes to discuss the contract. The break interrupted the flow of the reception and guests were already leaving. How are they supposed to know the band wasn't wrapping up at the right time? 

Make sure what you want is in the contract. 

Then confirm several times (especially the month of). 

But having your contracts and reviewing them is not all of it, you have to read in between the lines and you have to think about the logistics behind those contracts. 

Logistically speaking, a blank canvas is not always an easy wedding. I love a blank canvas as much as the next planner, but do you know what it takes to fill in the canvas? A great example of a blank canvas several years back was the New Orleans Opera Guild (it's now managed by Pigeon and they'll handle a lot of these logistics). 

It is truly a gorgeous setting and exemplifies the traditional New Orleans uptown historical home! Inside provides all the charm needed for a cocktail hour or dessert break while the outside yard provides the perfect backdrop for your ceremony and reception. But it is a home. And there are a lot of logistics that go into having a wedding at the Opera Guild. Logistics require coordination. What if it rains? Where does the caterer cook? Where will the band go? Are there enough plugs? What about dancing? Where do people park? What is allowed where when decorating? It can be a lot! So you plan....a lot!

For a wedding that will take place in any outdoor setting, I would always plan for rain.

ALWAYS.  

Just do it. Put the tent on hold the minute you book it. 

It's so important to review your contracts and match up what you have or want with what is actually on the contract. If you are not going to review them or you're not able to communicate as much as you'd like with your coordinator, you should definitely expect the unexpected. Not that a missing boutonniere was going to ruin your day, but the escort or father or reader without it may feel a little slighted. We don't want that do we? Do you really want to pull out contracts on your wedding day? Or have your parents do that? You're supposed to be enjoying this day, so hire a planner and make sure he/she has all of your contracts and you've reviewed them multiple times. 

You know that saying, what you don't know can't hurt you? 

Well what you don't know can hurt...and it can cost money.

2. You have to be detailed....very detailed, &
You have to Communicate....a lot 

If you have a vision, you should definitely go for it! If it's an elegant garden wedding with a sit down dinner, cocktail hour and then reception with dancing under the stars, I'm all about making that happen. It's just a matter of pulling it together and making sure everyone else knows what you want. 

Assigning seats? Yes, it is going to take time and being very detailed. This means your guests will need to first tell you if they're coming, and second, what they want to eat. You need to have every person accounted for in your guest list. You have to match every person with a meal and a seat. You need a well-developed floor-plan. Every table will need a number and you need a method to share with your guests where they are sitting - place cards. And then you need to share this information with your caterer.  

How is the caterer going to know where to drop food if all of these details are not worked out? 

Sharing contracts or going through all the checklists or even making checklists, 

won't make a difference if you can't accept that you cannot control everything.  

The most important thing to preventing stress 

(with or without a wedding planner) : 

ACCEPT 

that you CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING

3. Stuff happens and either you're going to let it ruin your day or you are going to let it go

Rain....it happens. Reiterating what I said before, if your day has any portion happening outdoors, place a hold on a tent immediately. Seriously. Then as you approach the wedding day it's time to consider the weather more and more. And even if the rain comes and goes during the week or weekend or even day of, there could still remnants left over. 

Unless your dance floor is under a tent, it will get wet if it rains. Is it going to stop you from having your first dance? 

Or maybe you're getting married in a courtyard and you really want the ceremony outside and it's not raining 20 minutes before the ceremony? Been there. Yes, it does rain in courtyards too. This is south Louisiana which means it will be be HUMID after the rain. Sometimes you can even see the steam rise from the ground. Don't be afraid to use your plan B. Head to the ballroom where there are decorations and dry chairs and air conditioning. It will be beautiful and all that matters is you marry the love of your life.  

Okay, so it's not raining on the day of the wedding, but it rained during the week? You've planned out your first look perfectly. It's going to be at this gorgeous plantation with lush grounds and beautiful flowers, what if it rains? Do you really want to walk on the grounds because your heels will sink and your dress could get really dirty. Best to use plan B. 

I understand. You planned this day and have thought about it for a year or more. You picked your venue for a reason. You really want to see the green of the golf course & have the open breeze & dance under the stars. It's gorgeous! But if your decorator & your coordinator are both shivering under the exposed tent, then you may want to start thinking about a way to keep guests warm.  

If you consider several factors, plan B is sometimes best: 

hair & makeup, wedding party, guests & vendors

Buy some Heaters and put the walls on the tent. 

I could go on and on, but I won't bore you or anyone else with that many stories. I'm sure you get the point. 

4. You can let it go - trust me

You've hired vendors and you have reviewed and understood your contracts or better still you have a coordinator who has all of that done, it's time to LET GO. 

Do you know what you see in these last few photos? You see happy couples. You see couples who planned and wanted a certain vision and day, but on that day they had to adjust. They let it go. They allowed me and all of their other vendors to do our job, and they were able to just enjoy every minute of their weddings. Things may not have gone as originally planned, but it didn't stop any of them from enjoying every second of their day. 

It is your day. 

Try to let go of the details. 

Try to smile.

Trust your vendors. You have one chance to enjoy it. Don't pass it up because something changed. 

If you're planning your wedding and would like some help, we'd love to be on your team and make your day all that you want it to be! Give us a call or shoot us an email! We cover everything from Baton Rouge to Grand Isle and can start at the beginning or help at the end or even just a consult in between. It's your day! We are there for you!

To Look or Not to Look, that is the Question: First Looks

You've heard it before, the Groom is not supposed to see the Bride before the wedding. It's bad luck. It's a tradition. You can't do it. And while there is plenty to do to keep the bride and groom in their separate corners on the morning of the wedding, many couples feel this is an outdated tradition (including me). Honestly, my husband and I not only saw each other that morning, we ate breakfast together with some of our guests and we had a few moments alone exchanging gifts and it was absolutely perfect. There was no pressure or work to keep us hidden. We did exactly what we wanted. And so should you.

The superstition/tradition originated from a time when most marriages were arranged and grooms didn't know who he was marrying (I can't imagine this). Back then, there was a possibility he might take one look at her and run...deciding not to proceed with the marriage. So the parents took charge and said the first time he should see her is at the altar, thus placing more pressure on him to marry her (isn't there already enough pressure?).

Now-a-days many people agree this is an outdated tradition. Many people participate in the "First Look" and it has become a very special moment on a very busy day - the Wedding Day. The First Look is often coordinated with the photographer to find a somewhat secluded, intimate or private space where the couple can meet and see each other before the wedding ceremony. You'll see many pictures of the groom facing one way as his bride approaches from behind to greet him. Once they meet, they can share a moment in peace that can be beautifully captured by photo and film - First Look by Studio Vieux Carre. 

As a bride, this moment provided a chance to see my groom and look him in the eyes before all the crazy started. It allowed us to relax just a bit more. As a bride, it allowed me to take a quiet moment with my soon-to-be husband and just take in the moment. There was no rush to get pictures done between the ceremony and reception. There were no people wanting hugs or wanting to talk. It was just the two of us looking into each other eyes and taking in the moment. 

As a coordinator, this eases tension because the bride and groom are dressed, ready and in the same place well before the actual wedding; therefore they're less likely to have logistical issues arriving to the ceremony on time. 

By no means am I trying to convince any couple to do something they don’t feel comfortable with. If you're a traditional couple, go for it and wait until the ceremony? As I've said it before, it is YOUR day, so remember it the way you want.

As for me, I did it my way. I didn't care about tradition. I ate breakfast with my soon-to-be husband and enjoyed a moment or two with him again before the ceremony. I loved every minute of it. 

If you choose to do the first look, it's important to coordinate this with all vendors and parties involved - coordinator, photographer, and videographer. Do you want your parents or his parents to see? Mine watched from an area which allowed us our moment but still allowed them to take part in it from a distance. 

Pinterest: Use with caution

Recently I came across an article (courtesy of a local NOLA Photographer - MQ Photography) that pointed out all that is wrong in relying simply on Pinterest to plan your wedding. I like Pinterest. Who doesn't? As a business owner, planner and coordinator it is very helpful in coming up with IDEAS. Pinterest, however, does not always tell you how to prepare and execute successfully.

Girl Talk: Pinterest ruined my wedding is funny, to me. Maybe not to everyone else. It does a great job of pointing out all the reasons why you'd need to plan and a wedding planner and it also points out what the real focus of your wedding should be, it's your day and you are getting married.

First, Pinterest is a part of social media so it is going to reflect the trends that are popular at the time. If you don't want an outdoor, barn, rustic wedding, then you have to search for exactly what want. For example, my recent bride would never have gone for hay bale seating area for her garden wedding. There are other ideas on Pinterest, you have to search for what YOU want, not what is popular.

Second, while the pictures are nice on Pinterest, they are pieces of someone else's wedding. Do you really want to imitate and try to replicate those moments or make your own moments and memories? You hired professional vendors for a reason. You hired them because you saw something in their style you liked. Trust them to capture your moments.

Third, like finding your fiance, once you find your dress, your colors, your theme and what you want, STOP looking :) There is always going to be something out there that is different or unique that you think is what you want. But there was a reason why you chose what you chose at first and there is a reason we set budgets and try to stay within them. If you continue looking and shopping you may never be happy with what you have now, and you may also completely blow your budget. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing and remember what you wanted to do in the first place. It's your wedding, not their wedding.

Finally, remember to plan! A Pinterest picture is a moment, not how it came together. Take a moment to think about what is required to get that moment. Is it a sunny day? Is there a tent? What kind of ground cover is there? What will you need to make this moment happen for you? And then think about how you're going to make it happen. Is that moment what you really want to base your whole wedding around?

Then think about if you are you going to make it happen or your bridesmaids or your family or someone else? Do you really want your bridesmaids setting up chairs or flowers or decorations, or do you want them with you relaxing and enjoying the moment and making memories? This goes back to my first piece of advice I give to any of my friends and family and all clients that come by my booth at shows: hire at least a day of coordinator. Share what you want with the coordinator and let them work for you. Enjoy your day. Because while, yes, this was a happy moment in the end, you only get one wedding day, you don't want to spend it worrying when you can enjoy the whole day.

Making memories

I'm fast becoming a Pinterest girl. I pin a LOT. And I love seeing what others pin. It gives me a LOT of good ideas for clients and myself. And as much as I love what others are pinning and the ideas I get, it also makes me want to scream sometimes.

A big pet peeve of mine is when people post photographs and say, "I want that pose." The photo is of a moment in time. It's not a pose. It's a bride and her niece dancing. Or it's the couple starting a second line. For example, this pic of my husband and I with our second line umbrellas taken by David Paul Studio -

Would I have loved a fancy pic of us posing with our umbrellas like everyone else has? Probably. But I also love this moment that was captured....of me basically having the following conversation with my northerner of a husband -

Him - "What am I supposed to do with this?"
Me - "Walk...just walk and bounce."

And that's what we did and I have this picture to prove it :)

Yes, previously I said to look at other photos to see what photographers have to offer, but I meant look at their style and if it's something you think you might like and if they capture moments. Please remember that life is about living and your events are short. So enjoy every minute of it and let the photographer capture.

Is this entirely too harsh? I know my job is to be on your side....to talk to the photographer and make sure he/she knows the photos you want. And I am on your side. I want you to get the photographs from your event that you WANT. But my job is also to help manage expectations and keep things in perspective. You want to create your own memories; not recreate someone else's memories. Please keep that in mind.